Category: Stories

YIKES!

Sent: Sat, Oct 31, 2015 at 12:24 PM

Recipients: Son, Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I’m out of onions!  What is that about???
I’m home today because my sinuses are really bad – I feel like my head weighs 10 pounds.  So, I went to make scrambled eggs, peppers and cheese and had no onions.  Blue Apron can only take me so far….looks like I’ll have to go to the grocery.
On another front….I got a letter from DNR that I need to be alert to wild pigs on all the wetland reserve properties.  Yeah…wild pigs.
So I’m supposed to monitor the properties for such activity.  Another reminder that I need to sell those….
Have a great day!
Love,
MOM
Notes: Sometimes you run out of groceries. 

Throwback Thursday: unicorn

Sent: Tue, Apr 5, 2016 at 11:36 AM

Recipients: Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I just had to share.

This morning, I turn on my lighted mirror and what is EXACTLY in the middle of my eyebrows? A little white pimple. It was EXACTLY placed.

I believe this is a sign that I am a unicorn today.

Notes: I was wrong. I’m 100% certain she believes unicorns exist. 

Chuck

Sent: Fri, Jun 10, 2016 at 11:59 AM

Recipients: Son, Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I know we’ve all watched the show…but I just can’t say enough about this show.
This morning, I turned it on as I was lounging in bed contemplating the universe and evidently dozed off.  I hear the alarm go off and I ‘m thinking “WHY did I set my alarm for a Friday??”  I looked at my alarm, noticed it wasn’t on….just as Sarah lunged her knife at the alarm clock.
I need to master the art of knife throwing.  Perhaps Congress will elevate that to ‘Art’ as well since they have done so with ‘Magic’.  Geesh.
Speaking of politics…our Walmart is installing gas pumps – do we think that will be the one item that’s not made in China?  Or, they’ll ship that over as well.
Everyone have a safe and fun Friday!
LOve,
Mom
Note: We LOVE Chuck. It’s on Netflix. Go watch it. Also – there should be some disclaimer on this website about how we’re not endorsing a view of any candidate and political discussions are not welcome. 

Mowing incident #32

Sent: Sun, Jun 12, 2016 at 3:49 PM

Recipients: Son, Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I haven’t actually kept track of the number of incidents I’ve had mowing, but I do have 879 hours on the mower, so that’s probably about right.
I decided to mow, even though it was 90 degrees, so I could have my Tuesday evening off…plus, storms are in the forecast.
I don’t do well in the heat, and stopped a few times to get water.  I actually skipped the barn side and pulled up to gas up before putting the mower back in its home.
I gassed up and drove over to the door when I happened to gas spewing from the tank.  I had to sit there a minute for this to register – gas was literally spilling out of the tank.  Then I saw the hose and nozzle on the ground – NOT attached to the tank.  In a moment of stupidity, I actually picked up the hose to see if I could reconnect – just wondering what to do.  Then I remembered the shut off valve.  Thank God.  I have no idea how much gas went all over, but at least it wasn’t the whole tank.  I have no idea how this happened.
So…now, I’m overheated; I have a headache; and I smell like gasoline.
I went into the kitchen to wash my arms to get rid of the gas vapors and then lit a candle to mask the gas smell.  Said in the same sentence, that could sound dangerous, but I’m living on the edge at this point!
The pool was the next best solution – mask the gas with chlorine.  To answer your questions:  Yes, I wore a swimsuit and YES, I went all the way under.  In fact, after turning up the volume on the stereo, I JUMPED in the deep end without a raft.  I’m not sure I’ve ever done that.
Anyway, I want to buffer the craziness with the mower, I am proud to say that I took K’s advice to heart about my I Phone.  I actually downloaded Pandora, logged in AND got it to play in the poolhouse….ALL BY MYSELF!   Look at me!
So I took a shower and I’m drinking the leftover coffee from this morning…just to add insult to injury in trying to sleep tonight!
Love,
Mom
Note: She has a riding lawn mower and three acres to mow. It’s a huge time/energy commitment. She’s not kidding. 

beans II (Bean Story – Part III)

Sent: Wed, Jun 1, 2016 at 7:11 PM

Recipients: Son, Daughter, Daughter in Law

Email Body:

OK.  I wisened up.  I scooped up all the beans with a spoon and then dove in with my hand to get all that I could from the disposal itself.  I contributed all of it to the compost bin, so I’ll get it back someday if this whole process works.
I put the coffee grounds in the sink to hide the smell…if it works for drug dealers, it should work on beans!
So…I cleaned up the kitchen.  At least most of it.
Note: She did have the electrician out. He has fixed the problem. It’s most likely this is the last of the bean stories…

update (Bean Story – Part II)

Sent: Wed, Jun 1, 2016 at 5:41 PM

Recipients: Son, Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

The electrician couldn’t come today – mainly because I didn’t call until 3:30 – so another evening of the aroma of 5 day old beans.  I tried again, unsuccessfully, to locate the elusive reset button.
Also, Stephen Colbert just informed me that a company is currently working on driverless semi’s (robots).
What could possibly go wrong?
We have people starving, homeless peeps, a political system run amok and we’re worried about robotic truck drivers.
Note: This is not the last email about beans.

Throwback Thursday: Olah

Sent: Tue, Jun 9, 2015 at 10:18 AM

Recipients: Daughter

Email Body:

Your cat walked by your room this morning and said “olah”, then ranted about some other stuff I couldn’t translate.  Rosetta Stone was not lost on him.

Notes: She meant ‘Hola’ – but her effort was commendable. 

beans

Sent: Wed, Jun 1, 2016 at 10:39 AM

Recipients: Son, Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

Ok.  I woke up today and worked through my Benadryl coma thinking about the kitchen.  Remember how much we loved what Jarrett did to the outlets and how cool they look?  Hold on to that.
I have a few theories about the enormous amount of 5 day old beans filling up my sink.  First, the GFI button does NOT push in.  I even tried stabbing it with a fork handle this morning – no joy.  That may not be faulty wiring – it could be a bad unit.  I once bought 5 fancy lightbulbs from Home Depot and they were all dead – honest to God, they did not die on my watch.
All the breakers were in the on position.
I have lived with the modern technology of a garbage disposal my entire life.  For some reason, the Indy house doesn’t have one, but that’s not really the issue here.
Approximately 4 times in my life, I have been told to “press the reset button”.  I always say “OK”.  I must confess, I have NEVER been able to find said reset button.  When I think of a reset button, the Staples EASY button comes to mind.  It wouldn’t have to be that big.  However, a small read button surrounded by chrome seems like the way to go.  I actually think it has something to do with that allen wrench they attach to the unit with sticky glue.  However, that has long since become unattached.  So…no idea how to reset.
Could the garbage disposal have died?  Last week, the left sink was filling with water, so I ran the disposal – it drained slowly.
Could the garbage disposal be mad that I’m using the crock that Kaitlin wants me to use for the compost bin?
All good questions.
Here’s the thing – I don’t know who to call first.
And, the flowers in the flower boxes have lost their will to live…what’s that about??  Its June 1 for heaven’s sake, not the middle of August and 105 degrees!
So…new project, I have to redo those.
I’m at work, so I can’t meet any fix-it peeps at the house.  OR, that would give me a great excuse to go home.
Thoughts?
Mom
Notes: After throwing a party, a crock pot full of beans was forgotten. After five days, they were thrown down the garbage disposal… which surprisingly… did not work.