Author: Betsy

I like life. A whole lot.

flying

Sent: Tue, Oct 4, 2016 at 12:37 PM

Recipients: Son, Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I just had to share our adventure back home.
You were right – your airport is much smaller, so it the security checkpoint was a short line.
After we printed the boarding passes, I kept looking at them all the way to the checkpoint…NO TSA precheck.  What?  I couldn’t figure it out.  However, the regular line was shorter than the precheck line.
K breezed through.  I couldn’t locate my drivers license.  Finally, someone bumped into me from behind and the agent said “she can’t find her ID”, so they went around me.
I finally located my ID, went to the agent and asked – I just got my TSA precheck – what happened?  He said…” you didn’t read the fine print – they can pull you out at any time”.  I asked “so, if you caused a ruckus on a previous flight…would that be a reason?”.  I was scrambling to think if any of the flight crew knew is was me talking about shooting and mentioning ‘bomb’ as I boarded the flight to you.  We got a chuckle and then moved along.
Of course, the agent at the conveyor asked “who belongs to this green suitcase?”  You guessed it!  K could have boarded the plane by now, but she’s watching with her arms raised —what’s going on?
I had to wait for my tennis shoes to come through – the agent spent a long time looking at my tennis shoes on the scanner for some reason.
So….finally get to the special area for them to examine my luggage.  She asked “is there a bear in your luggage?”.
Oh – YES!  That crystal bear came all the way from England!
K corrected me and said Ireland.
She was buy pilfering through the rest of the suitcase.  She said the bear would have to be scanned separate from the luggage.  Fine.  To her credit…she did not comment on the fact there were no jammies in my luggage.
The bear survived the scanning.  On to our connection….
Turns out, K and I are the only 2 passengers continuing on.  After everybody else left and we moved to row 2, they told us it would be an hour before takeoff, so if we wanted something to eat…it was fine for us to deplane.
When we got to the gate agent, he pulled up our names and I told him we didn’t have boarding passes.  He said, and I’m not kidding…”The Unicorn Theory”.  OMG!  K hung her head and my face lit up like a Christmas tree.  K said “DON’T encourage her!!!”  I explained that I believe in unicorns.
He said…you know what…I know I’ll remember you 2 now….go and do what you want and them come back here – you’ll be the first ones back on the plane.
HAH!  After we got a few things, he let us back on even before everyone else was lined up for boarding!  Aren’t we special.
Back in Indy, driving to K’s house, she said I ran a red light.  I turned right and honestly, I didn’t see a red light.
The whole Unicorn comment was just the icing a great weekend!
Thanks to all of you for spending my birthday weekend with me!!!!
Love,
Mom
Notes: She visited us for her birthday. We gave her presents, one of them being a crystal bear (as she collects bears). She forgot her pajamas, yelled bomb on the plane to see us and apparently ran a red light on the way home. It was a big trip. 
PS – Unicorn Count: Five.

Text From My MIL

My MIL rarely texts.

Which is why this blog is called EMAILS from my mother-in-law.

However, when she does text, it’s charming.

She came to visit this last weekend for her birthday. There were a bunch of flight delays, she was going to show up three hours late, and then, there was suddenly no flight delays, she magically got on an earlier flight and this is what I got:

text

Get going.

Water

Sent: Tue, Aug 30, 2016 at 6:52 PM

Recipients: Son, Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

Oh. My. God.
WHAT is it with me and water????
I slept in and got to work about noon today, so I worked until 7:30pm.
I get the mail and start up the driveway.
WATER is streaming DOWN the driveway.
It did not rain today.
Its coming from the back of the house.
I thought – oh no…I must have left that nozzle on.
NO, I did NOT leave the nozzle on.  RATHER, that fancy hose rack we bought that has the hose connector from the house to the rack EXPLODED!  WHAT???
The flower bed is flooded, there is probably water in the basement or the crawlspace – I’m not even going to check.  There are waves in the water streaming down the sidewalk and driveway…so much water.
Now my shoes are soaked, my pants are wet and there is a great possibility that it has screwed up the well and I’ll have DIRTY WATER!  Which of course means I have to change out the Osmosis filters for the low low price of God knows what.
I’m sorry to sound frustrated, but this was not my fault.  Just like exploding water heaters (2 of them), the roof leak at the office, the sewer pipe connector in my basement, the pool getting filled to overflow when the kids ‘forgot’ and left the hose on….I could go on and on, but alas, its a bit depressing.
Everyone have a dry evening!!!!!!
Much love,
Wet Mother.
Notes: As someone that has experienced the joys of a wet basement, my heart hurts for her. Also, as someone whose husband bought said “fancy hose rack,” I have an extra dose of sorrow.

The Rock; Pot Pie

Sent: Mon, Feb 1, 2016 at 8:47 PM

Recipients: Son and Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

Ordinarily, you would not think of those 2 things together.  However, yesterday, when I was deciding what to watch on Netflix, I thought “I haven’t seen ‘The Rock’ in several years”  Alas, it was not to be found for free.
So….I watched the rest of Season 7 of SuperNatural.
Tonight, I worked until 7, went to Monday night church, came home to fix the Pot Pie from Blue Apron.
I turned on the TV to enjoy music while I cooked and VOILA!  On comes The Rock in progress on AMC.
I have to say – the reparte with the hair dresser at the Fairmont Hotel is always good for a laugh.
AND….I just finished the Pot Pie just as the Navy Seals got masacred in the shower room.
The Pot Pie is a Taste Delight!  I would never have thought to make a pot pie with turnips and mushrooms, but it was great!  More flavor than potatoes.
Also, now I know how to make shredded chicken – you boil it!
If I could just figure out how to purchase ‘French special Creme’ and that glaze they use… I could recreate this stuff.
I’m sure I won’t find it in these nice convenient packages; however, I need to start looking for it.
So….have a nice evening!
Notes: I’m not sure why, but it feels important to tell you this was the email I got two weeks before we got married. And I will say, their pot pie was a DELIGHT. 

 

stomach

Sent: Sat, Jun 18, 2016 at 5:39 PM

Recipients: Son, Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I had a stomach ache when I went out to mow.
Bonus points to anyone who saw that coming.
However, I did not sneeze in the East forest today, AND I had zero mower mishaps.
Cake related?
This theory needs further testing…
Notes: Confused? Please re-read this blog post and then note that this was sent 5 hours later. God bless spice cake. 

It happened again.

Sent: Sun, Aug 7, 2016 at 7:43 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

After I finished mowing – without incident! – I decided to try once again to start the burn pile in the backyard.  I always save the packing paper from all my online shopping deliveries.
Either that stuff is designed NOT to burn or I am just out of my league.  My kids were the true pyromaniacs.
Anyway, while trying to get some limbs with dry leaves to the area I thought might take off….a limb came out of nowhere and stabbed me in the right eye…that was my good eye.  The left eye is the one that took on the ear mite meds and the umbrella point.
I really need to trim up the mint and water everything, but this is painful  I put the gel in and taped my eye closed.  I could be typing giberish foa all I know….my right eye is my dominant eye…the left one is strictly along for the ride.
I have no answers for my particular issues.
Notes: I thought they way that this started we’d be hearing that she caught the house on fire but it took a sharp turn there with the eye stabbing. Some day we’ll dig the emails about the ear mite meds (mistaken eye drops) and umbrella situation out of the archives.

Nod to Olympics

Sent: Tue, Aug 23, 2016 at 10:24 AM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

My home laptop is dying, so I had to send this to the office.  Sorry about the length.

The women team sports are killing it!  The US women’s water polo team kicked everyone’s asses and did that with their swimsuits up their butt crack! 

The men’s decatholon was equally impressive.  In honor of all their accomplishments, I was inspired from all their fitness to stop watching them and get busy outside!

My own decathalon:

  • Pulled weeds from the brick culvert, the boat garden AND the north culvert – this is akin to arm movements in rowing.
  • Due to all the rain, I was able to pry some of the larger stones from the muck and launch them up above the pipe – much like the shot put, just not as far.  After pulling several weeds from the rocks that looked a LOT like poison something, I took a break and washed up…even remembered to wash my leather gloves due to the poison stuff.
  • After an orange juice break, I went back out to weed-eat the entire driveway – like all the way to the barn!  I made it a bit more difficult on the way up be holding the mail in my left hand and wacking with my right – BALANCE was required.
  • Finished reclaiming the rock bed at the front of the house.  Its impressive how many rocks I’ve managed to get out of the bed and in the yard, but they are much easier to pry up when the ground is wet.
  • I finished burying one entire strand of the invisible fence in the rock, so its finally living up to its name of actually being invisible.  I blew off the grass from the rock beds, but used the mower to clean the driveway.
  • There was a break in all the rainstorms, so I got in the pool and treaded water in the deep end for 11 minutes as a nod to the water polo team, but had to quit because it started raining and I worried it might lightening which I thought would be bad since I was swimming alone.  I wasn’t passing a ball or wearing those uncomfortable looking swimsuits, but I was happy with 11 minutes.
  • The rain stopped and the sun came out, so I got back in.  I tried some synchronized swimming moves, but it was a hard sell because I was alone in the pool and did not have gelatin in my hair.  I did not move on to the final heat.
  • I moved on to jogging in the shallow end which of course got me disqualified from ‘speed walking’ because I did not maintain foot contact with the floor of the pool.
  • Oh yeah….made ‘Spicey Chicken and Korean Rick Cakes” from Blue Apron.  Their list of 11 ingredients did not intimidate in the slightest.  This is not an event, but it could probably qualify!
  • Power washed 5 segments of the deck and also some of the rock bed.  I’ll need to get a long hose to totally do the rock beds.  This is harder than it looks.

Yesterday, in the final heat, I treaded water for 15 minutes since it didn’t rain.  I could NEVER measure up to the athletes, but it was fun watching them!

Actual Olympic observations:

  • I have to ask…did the Serbian’s bring a super big boat load of fans, or was the entire crowd against the US women’s volleyball team?
  • The women’s 4×100 relay managed to win with one member wearing what looked like a mini-pad around her knee.  It was probably tape, but it truly looked suspicious.
  • With the insane new scoring system in judging in gymnastics….I truly miss the comments like “and a disappointing 6.5 from the German judge”.  An entire generation has now missed out on the simple scoring of 1-10 and will unfortunately never see a perfect 10.  I remember jumping off the couch when Mary Lou and Keri got their 10’s.
  • It was nice to take the trip down memory lane with the ‘Karoli’ documentary they did.  I did NOT know they defected from Communist Romania at the end of the Olympics in the US so many years ago.  It was awesome to see Mary Lou and Keri Strug again.
  • In the equestrian events, I think the horses should get premium oats and carrots in a gold bucket if they win – they did most of the work!  Actually, they might…I didn’t actually watch any finals in that event.
LOve to you all…
Mom
Notes: I’m sorry about the FUN FRIDAY BONUS POST. I just couldn’t help it. Because this reacap was EVERYTHING. As a former synchronized swimmer myself, I snort laughed over the gelatin line. I’m wildly proud of her decathlon. While simultaneously wondering how much time it took to think of how each of her activities related to Olympic sports… 

volleyball

Sent: Fri, Aug 19, 2016 at 9:09 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I know I have already expressed some opinions on volleyball; however, I have a question.

Why does one girl wear a different shirt?  I’m thinking its more than her not getting the memo about which uniform to wear for that match.
From what I remember about volleyball (memories are obviously vague – I managed to jam a finger EVERY time I played),  you have to rotate positions after serving?.
Notes: I’ll call her tonight and tell her about the libero. To be fair – if you haven’t played volleyball – the idea of one special player that runs around anywhere they want is very confusing and a little different than the YMCA rules. 

frustrations

Sent: Tue, Aug 16, 2016 at 7:46 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I know we all have frustrations.  However, if I don’t share mine, they just fester and I can’t move on.

  • Cell Phone is missing.  I must return to leaving the phone in my purse (once its found) because that’s the only way I have it when there is an emergency.
  • Why are they interviewing Shawn White in the summer Olympics?  He’s a snow boarder.
  • Most of the Olympic sports are also done outside the Olympics.  However, who rows a canoe in a half-standing position?  What’s that about?
  • Just how insecure are volleyball players?  I know of no other sport that requires a group hug at the end of EVERY play.  I just can’t watch it.
  • I’ve been watching the beach volleyball, so another reason I can’t watch the group play is that they are just too crowded.  Plus, how can they possibly miss when there are so many of them.  Obviously, I’m not a volleyball player.
  • The office key that vanished into thin air is still missing.
  • I miss my car.  I JUST figured out how to use the wipers today and its been raining the entire week I’ve had the rental car.  Its difficult to drive and continually hit the wiper lever.
  • Why do the runners in the Olympics crowd into the first lane and then trip over each other?  Does the whole graduated curve start only work for one lap?  I never ran track, either.   For the record, I played no organized sports.  I had casts on my legs from the club feet issue and its just difficult to do sports when you’re sporting plaster casts on both legs.
  • My kids should be on the lookout for a bill for all the catfood I have bought for the cats you left behind.  Screech is like 20 years old; however, he still gets pissy with me unless he gets treats sprinkled on the food.
  • I can’t call my phone to find out where it is because I put it on silent last night for church.
  • A week ago, I told my TV to record the ‘Rio Olympics’ series.  However, I have to tell it EVERY day or it records nothing.  Somehow, this strategy made me miss women’s soccer – I only watch when USA is playing.  Does NBC just really NOT know how to do the Olympics?  Yes, I’m blaming the entire network.
Ok.  All is not lost.  I continue to smile each time I look at my beautiful bouquets that I sponsored at the church in memory of my wedding anniversary and then took for myself.  Also, after working until 7:30 tonight, it was awesome to come home and just ‘heat up’ the leftover mexican lasagna that I fixed for my college roomies last weekend.  My office manager did not fry me like bacon when I spilled the beans about losing the key.
Love to all,
Mom
Notes: I cry laughing over the volleyball notes. The team high five made me snort, but the idea that there’s enough players on the field that it should never touch the ground brought tears to my eyes. Come on ladies. You’re in the Olympics. Get. It. Together.