Month: August 2016

It happened again.

Sent: Sun, Aug 7, 2016 at 7:43 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

After I finished mowing – without incident! – I decided to try once again to start the burn pile in the backyard.  I always save the packing paper from all my online shopping deliveries.
Either that stuff is designed NOT to burn or I am just out of my league.  My kids were the true pyromaniacs.
Anyway, while trying to get some limbs with dry leaves to the area I thought might take off….a limb came out of nowhere and stabbed me in the right eye…that was my good eye.  The left eye is the one that took on the ear mite meds and the umbrella point.
I really need to trim up the mint and water everything, but this is painful  I put the gel in and taped my eye closed.  I could be typing giberish foa all I know….my right eye is my dominant eye…the left one is strictly along for the ride.
I have no answers for my particular issues.
Notes: I thought they way that this started we’d be hearing that she caught the house on fire but it took a sharp turn there with the eye stabbing. Some day we’ll dig the emails about the ear mite meds (mistaken eye drops) and umbrella situation out of the archives.

Nod to Olympics

Sent: Tue, Aug 23, 2016 at 10:24 AM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

My home laptop is dying, so I had to send this to the office.  Sorry about the length.

The women team sports are killing it!  The US women’s water polo team kicked everyone’s asses and did that with their swimsuits up their butt crack! 

The men’s decatholon was equally impressive.  In honor of all their accomplishments, I was inspired from all their fitness to stop watching them and get busy outside!

My own decathalon:

  • Pulled weeds from the brick culvert, the boat garden AND the north culvert – this is akin to arm movements in rowing.
  • Due to all the rain, I was able to pry some of the larger stones from the muck and launch them up above the pipe – much like the shot put, just not as far.  After pulling several weeds from the rocks that looked a LOT like poison something, I took a break and washed up…even remembered to wash my leather gloves due to the poison stuff.
  • After an orange juice break, I went back out to weed-eat the entire driveway – like all the way to the barn!  I made it a bit more difficult on the way up be holding the mail in my left hand and wacking with my right – BALANCE was required.
  • Finished reclaiming the rock bed at the front of the house.  Its impressive how many rocks I’ve managed to get out of the bed and in the yard, but they are much easier to pry up when the ground is wet.
  • I finished burying one entire strand of the invisible fence in the rock, so its finally living up to its name of actually being invisible.  I blew off the grass from the rock beds, but used the mower to clean the driveway.
  • There was a break in all the rainstorms, so I got in the pool and treaded water in the deep end for 11 minutes as a nod to the water polo team, but had to quit because it started raining and I worried it might lightening which I thought would be bad since I was swimming alone.  I wasn’t passing a ball or wearing those uncomfortable looking swimsuits, but I was happy with 11 minutes.
  • The rain stopped and the sun came out, so I got back in.  I tried some synchronized swimming moves, but it was a hard sell because I was alone in the pool and did not have gelatin in my hair.  I did not move on to the final heat.
  • I moved on to jogging in the shallow end which of course got me disqualified from ‘speed walking’ because I did not maintain foot contact with the floor of the pool.
  • Oh yeah….made ‘Spicey Chicken and Korean Rick Cakes” from Blue Apron.  Their list of 11 ingredients did not intimidate in the slightest.  This is not an event, but it could probably qualify!
  • Power washed 5 segments of the deck and also some of the rock bed.  I’ll need to get a long hose to totally do the rock beds.  This is harder than it looks.

Yesterday, in the final heat, I treaded water for 15 minutes since it didn’t rain.  I could NEVER measure up to the athletes, but it was fun watching them!

Actual Olympic observations:

  • I have to ask…did the Serbian’s bring a super big boat load of fans, or was the entire crowd against the US women’s volleyball team?
  • The women’s 4×100 relay managed to win with one member wearing what looked like a mini-pad around her knee.  It was probably tape, but it truly looked suspicious.
  • With the insane new scoring system in judging in gymnastics….I truly miss the comments like “and a disappointing 6.5 from the German judge”.  An entire generation has now missed out on the simple scoring of 1-10 and will unfortunately never see a perfect 10.  I remember jumping off the couch when Mary Lou and Keri got their 10’s.
  • It was nice to take the trip down memory lane with the ‘Karoli’ documentary they did.  I did NOT know they defected from Communist Romania at the end of the Olympics in the US so many years ago.  It was awesome to see Mary Lou and Keri Strug again.
  • In the equestrian events, I think the horses should get premium oats and carrots in a gold bucket if they win – they did most of the work!  Actually, they might…I didn’t actually watch any finals in that event.
LOve to you all…
Mom
Notes: I’m sorry about the FUN FRIDAY BONUS POST. I just couldn’t help it. Because this reacap was EVERYTHING. As a former synchronized swimmer myself, I snort laughed over the gelatin line. I’m wildly proud of her decathlon. While simultaneously wondering how much time it took to think of how each of her activities related to Olympic sports… 

volleyball

Sent: Fri, Aug 19, 2016 at 9:09 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I know I have already expressed some opinions on volleyball; however, I have a question.

Why does one girl wear a different shirt?  I’m thinking its more than her not getting the memo about which uniform to wear for that match.
From what I remember about volleyball (memories are obviously vague – I managed to jam a finger EVERY time I played),  you have to rotate positions after serving?.
Notes: I’ll call her tonight and tell her about the libero. To be fair – if you haven’t played volleyball – the idea of one special player that runs around anywhere they want is very confusing and a little different than the YMCA rules. 

frustrations

Sent: Tue, Aug 16, 2016 at 7:46 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I know we all have frustrations.  However, if I don’t share mine, they just fester and I can’t move on.

  • Cell Phone is missing.  I must return to leaving the phone in my purse (once its found) because that’s the only way I have it when there is an emergency.
  • Why are they interviewing Shawn White in the summer Olympics?  He’s a snow boarder.
  • Most of the Olympic sports are also done outside the Olympics.  However, who rows a canoe in a half-standing position?  What’s that about?
  • Just how insecure are volleyball players?  I know of no other sport that requires a group hug at the end of EVERY play.  I just can’t watch it.
  • I’ve been watching the beach volleyball, so another reason I can’t watch the group play is that they are just too crowded.  Plus, how can they possibly miss when there are so many of them.  Obviously, I’m not a volleyball player.
  • The office key that vanished into thin air is still missing.
  • I miss my car.  I JUST figured out how to use the wipers today and its been raining the entire week I’ve had the rental car.  Its difficult to drive and continually hit the wiper lever.
  • Why do the runners in the Olympics crowd into the first lane and then trip over each other?  Does the whole graduated curve start only work for one lap?  I never ran track, either.   For the record, I played no organized sports.  I had casts on my legs from the club feet issue and its just difficult to do sports when you’re sporting plaster casts on both legs.
  • My kids should be on the lookout for a bill for all the catfood I have bought for the cats you left behind.  Screech is like 20 years old; however, he still gets pissy with me unless he gets treats sprinkled on the food.
  • I can’t call my phone to find out where it is because I put it on silent last night for church.
  • A week ago, I told my TV to record the ‘Rio Olympics’ series.  However, I have to tell it EVERY day or it records nothing.  Somehow, this strategy made me miss women’s soccer – I only watch when USA is playing.  Does NBC just really NOT know how to do the Olympics?  Yes, I’m blaming the entire network.
Ok.  All is not lost.  I continue to smile each time I look at my beautiful bouquets that I sponsored at the church in memory of my wedding anniversary and then took for myself.  Also, after working until 7:30 tonight, it was awesome to come home and just ‘heat up’ the leftover mexican lasagna that I fixed for my college roomies last weekend.  My office manager did not fry me like bacon when I spilled the beans about losing the key.
Love to all,
Mom
Notes: I cry laughing over the volleyball notes. The team high five made me snort, but the idea that there’s enough players on the field that it should never touch the ground brought tears to my eyes. Come on ladies. You’re in the Olympics. Get. It. Together. 

mens gymnstics

Sent: Thu, Aug 11, 2016 at 8:33 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

So…are some of the men gymnasts wearing footsie pants?  Is sure looks like it.

Also…does anyone know the scoop on the Ukraine gymnast that went to the various apparatuses and just touched them and walked away?  WHAT was that about? This is the Olympics for cryin out loud!  I feel so bad for his teammates and whoever the guy is that got left at home so that idiot could go.
Notes: New idea for Christmas gift this year – footie pjs for my MIL. I think they’d be a huge hit. Someone remind me.

BEHOLD!

Sent: Mon, Aug 8, 2016 at 8:38 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I have made fire!  I feel like Tom Hanks in ‘Castaway’!  I realize I used a bic lighter, but the victory is just as sweet.  Tonight, I used old check packs from accounts I no longer have from banks I no longer like.  I got the back side to light up.  It may not be a total burn, but I have gained some confidence and I have several check packs left.
AND….I finally remembered that tonight is trash to the curb night – I’ve missed it for 3 weeks.  That was after edging the driveway, so I’m on a roll.
Ok….I just watched a 16 Brazilian girl do a routine on the balance beam earning a score of 15.3.  My victories seem small in comparison; however, I take all my small victories.
I have decided that taking up the balance beam is not something I should do.  I’d be that french gymnast on the vault for sure.
Go for the gold!
Love, Mom
Notes: Today friends – let’s go for the gold shall we?

olympics

Sent: Sun, Aug 7, 2016 at 1:07 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

I’m not even sure I ca n have that in the subject line without pre-approval from NBC, but they can come and get me if they want!

I watched some last night and I’m speeding through my dvr’d versions of the races.  A few observations:
  • I think the girl’s beach volleyball will wear thongs next year…they’re practically there now.
  • The women swimmers WEAR EARRINGS in competition!  Wow
  • What did the swimmers do outside of the pool before Beets were invented?
  • The coverage is mainly commercials…thank God for fast forward

Notes: This is a family of devout Olympics watchers. Until this point, I’d been telling people that my husband didn’t really ‘sport.’ I was wrong. For the past two weeks, we’ve had Olympics running 24/7 in our house. If you happen to be suffering from withdrawals, don’t be. My MIL had a few bits of commentary about the events. And I’ll be sharing one a day to ease the pain and suffering of the loss of trampoline, synchronized swimming, table tennis and race walking. 

Its official

Sent: Sat, Jul 16, 2016 at 3:14 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Son, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

Its official.  I’m totally on board with the fact that I’m a goof.  I’ve been in denial for a while.  Today convinced me.

I am really trying to spruce up the yard and landscaping.  In small doses, I’ve been working on reclaiming the edging around the landscaping rocks that have been totally overgrown and rocks everywhere in the yard.  I work on it in the evenings when its cooler and then blow off the rocks.
Today, I started mowing earlier because TWC said it would be cloudy until 2 and a bit cooler.
Storms came through last week that did a number on my forest.  Plus, its molting season for the sycamore trees – shedding bark like crazy.  So, there was a large quantity of tree leaves, whole limbs and sticks in the front yard and side forests.
I took advantage of the cloud cover and focused on the front yard. While doing the front east side – I decided to SKIP the east forest because it looks like a tornado went through there.  I got the yard cart loaded up with the weed eater and blower and hooked up the extra cart and took off to tackle the west forest.   The weed eating is hard work, so I only got a few trees.
Then I blew out the garage….feeling good about my organization of duties for today when BAM! – walked straight into the garage door that was only partially opened.
I wear a special white hat when I mow.  It has a large bill and a scarf in the back that keeps my neck from getting sunburned.  I wear ear protectors that play music, so I’m kind of in my own world.
So…the large bill of the hat kept me from seeing that I was walking straight into the garage door.  i have to admit, it still hurts.  Obviously, I was walking fast.
So, I was starting to lose confidence.
I decided to return to mowing and finish the west forest.
I got 75% done when the mower started acting funny – the left front wheel was just spinning in the air.  I kept checking the chains that hold the mowing deck to see if they were messed up.  I finally decided to drive over to the driveway to see whats up.  The main back tire is totally flat.
So, I couldn’t use the mower to blow the grass off the driveway.  And, of course, its not only grass this week, because all my trees decided to shed so much of themselves in the storm.
I got the blower and started at the bottom of the driveway.  That battery ran out after about 3 sections.  I walked up and got the new battery and made it to the top of the driveway.  I wanted to rake up the huge pile of debris, but my leaf rake if NO WHERE to be found.  Its not in the garage, and I can’t find it in the barn.  Of course, I didn’t turn on the light in the barn, but that’s only because the switch is poorly located.
I even weed wacked the driveway up to the barn until all the string was gone.
So, I’m giving up for today.  The flat tire really deflated me.  Get it?
So…I have decided to embrace the fact that I’m a total goof.
 I can’t stop working outside.  Lord knows I need the exercise and I love my property.
And, you guys have to be tired of hearing from me about all the stupid stuff.  Or, you’re having those secret conversations about how “Mom needs to be put in a home”.
I will say that the mulching blades are the way to go – cuts my mowing down, which is obviously a good thing, as that lessens the opportunity of me doing serious harm to myself and the equipment.
From today’s listening, I have determined I am NOT superman and I’m NOT America’s sweetheart.  I still don’t understand the number of Budweiser commercials and I don’t understand why you would want to eat cake by the ocean – so much sand.
I do love you guys – thanks for listening.
Love,
Your life-challenged Mom
Notes: I love a good pun and I LOST IT at the “deflated me” line. Also, this powerhouse of a woman takes care of acres worth of yard alone. So, all this work here? Huge undertaking. She is in fact superman (woman?) and America’s sweetheart.

tv

Sent: Mon, Jul 11, 2016 at 12:51 PM

Recipients: Daughter, Daughter-in-Law

Email Body:

There are 3 Wisconsin boys missing from an abandoned mine.  At least they can’t pin this on Steve or Brendan since they are still residing in jail.
Although I wouldn’t bet the farm on them not thinking about it….
Notes: She’s been binge watching ‘Making A Murderer.’ Which I know, because I had to ask for clarification on who Steve and Brendan were. Not long lost family members as I imagined when initially reading the email.